We did it!!

Wow!

What a day Friday was.  I can't honestly believe we did it!!

I performed the play to a sell out crown of 120 and it went splendidly!  The audience were absolutely wonderful and it was just so nice to feel so much love and support from one room.

I had had a terrible dress rehearsal on Friday afternoon where I kept getting lines wrong and constantly felt terrified because I seemed like I never quite knew what was coming next.  It was an awful experience, I was flying by the seat of my pants and making up lines.  It was happening in places where I have never made mistakes before too which I guess was an indication of it just being nerves but to me it felt like everything was falling apart. I couldn't get myself to focus.

Of course everyone was very kind about it and said that if an audience had come to see the dress they would still have thought it was good etc but I just felt awful.  The moto is "bad dress good show", which I kept trying to remind myself but it was hard to shake off the feeling of dread about the evenings performance.

After the dress rehearsal we had some notes and worked on a few bits where the light and sound needed changing and then we stopped for our dinner break.  I used this time to start running through the lines of the play as quickly as possible whilst walking it through on the set.  Doing this reminded me that I do know the lines and my brain was still working fine!! 

After having some fresh air and going to collect my lovely husband Ben from the station I got back to my dressing room to discover some flowers from Mr Pennington - one of the characters in the play (sounds crazy I know) which instantly brought me close to tears. Running out to say thank you to the director and producer (who I think may have possibly been asked by Mr P to get me the flowers) I was then greeted with another bunch of flowers from my Mum and Brother.  I rang my mum to find out where she was and discovered they had dropped the flowers off themselves and she was in the toilets outside the theatre!  Some serious crying followed as I ran into the toilet to get a special "mum hug".

The crying was great as it let me get out all the emotions of the hideous dress rehearsal and then I finally felt like I was ready to get into the "zone".

With everyone gone I started doing a vocal warm up (which I absolutely HATE) and finished going over the play.  I stood on stage and said the very last line and tried to picture myself getting to the end!  I still couldn't quite believe that we were actually doing it!!

Then suddenly it was nearly time to go.  With a few quick hugs from the Kate (the stage manager), Sophie (producer) and Zoe (director) I was left on my own in the dressing room.  No more human contact until I was on stage.  

With 5 mins to go I put on my "getting ready song" (currently I am Telling You - a duet by Sam Bailey and Nicole Scherzinger in the X factor final) and mimed my little heart out.  I love that song and it makes me forget about everything as I focus on pretending I'm a proper diva singing infront of 80,000 people!!

Then I got my text from Kate, the stage manager to say it was time to go! I said goodbye to my collection of owls and things on my dressing room table, had a stretch, said the first lines of the play a few times and then texted back to say - I'm gone!

Standing backstage I peaked through the curtain (naughty me!!) to see people going to there seats.  It was lovely to see so many friends and family coming to watch the show (although slightly terrifying!)

Finally the lights went down and I hear my cue to go on stage.  

Nothing can describe that 2 seconds in the semi darkness waiting for the lights to go up, knowing that the next time you leave the stage it will be over!!

I got going into the play and found that I was actually enjoying it.  Somehow my nerves had transformed themselves into energy.  I found that I was actually focused on the play (although I am still aware of everything going on in the audience - man creeping in and out across the front row, take note!!) and somehow it was going right!!

A few things went wrong but honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better show.  Kate was bloody great on sound and lighting and the audience were with me for the whole show (apart from the man and woman who went to the toilet...)

When I said the last line of the play and the lights went down I was so happy for it to be over.  I took my bows, then an extra 2 then ran off stage and burst into tears (again!).  Off course there was no one there so I had to wait for the audience to leave and then got some good hugs from the creative team.

It was amazing!  I still can't believe we really did it!  All the hard work from everyone paid off. Just got to keep on doing it for the next 40 something performances! 

I had a great night celebrating and now I am packing up my stuff in London to go back to Manchester ready for Tuesday when we start the tour off at The Dukes, Lancaster.  The theatre is in a horseshoe shape there so I will have to try and remember all the changes we make when it is in that format!!  But that will be fine because I know now I can do it!  

YES!!

Sophie, myself and Zoë post show!!